When I returned home from vacation, I expected to unwind, perhaps open a bottle of wine with my wife, and enjoy the peace of our house. Instead, we entered a living room that resembled a frat house after a party from Hell.
There were beer cans all over the place, soiled clothes thrown in odd piles, and the smell was unbearable. And there he was, splayed out on my couch like he owned the place: my elder brother, Theodore, or Ted as everyone called him.
“What the heck, Ted? What’s this? “Why are you in my home?” I asked, attempting to remain cool while my blood pressure rose by the second.
My wife, Nina, rolled her eyes as she gazed around the living room. In that moment, I realised I needed to solve it or face a very furious wife.
My brother looked up nonchalantly, as if I hadn’t caught him red-handed.
“Oh, hey, Jeremy,” he said. “Mom and Dad thought it would be easier if I just moved in while you were away.” You have all this room, but you’re not using it, right? You and Nina are either working or vacationing.”
I blinked, attempting to comprehend the boldness of his statements.
“Have you moved in?” You moved into my home? Without asking? Ted, are you insane?
He rolled his eyes, raising his feet onto the couch, and crossed them as if prepared to watch a movie.
“Yeah, so what?” he said. “I needed somewhere to stay, and it’s unlikely you’d say yes. So we decided to skip that section. Stop being so tense, Jeremy. “Just help a brother out.”
It was as if a switch had flicked inside me: years of seeing him suck off my parents, his life full of excuses, and he was the victim here.
He’d taken over my house. Really?
My phone rang just as I was about to start speaking. Mom, Of course.
I responded, attempting to keep my voice as quiet as possible.
“Did Dad and Mom really allow Theodore to move into my house while I was away, Mom?”
“Why are you using my full name?” Ted joined in from the background.
I ignored him.
My mother added, “Jeremy, don’t be so dramatic,” with no apologies in her voice. “Ted needed a somewhere to stay, and you had all that space. You don’t even have children yet. So, what’s the harm in assisting your brother?
I closed my eyes and took a long breath.
“Mother, he is 42 years old. He is not a youngster. You want to dump him on me after allowing him to cheat on you for years? Are you being serious? Why do you want to treat him like he’s a child just out of college?
My mother’s tone changed, and she quickly went on the defensive.
“Oh, mooching, huh?” She said. “I am disappointed in you, Jeremy. He has gone through a lot. You do not grasp what it is like to be him. You’ve always kept things together. Ted needs a bit more assistance. And, as family, you owe it to him.
Have you been through a lot? My brother had 2 children under the age of five, with 2 different women. He did not bother to support one of them. How was I expected to feel sorry for this man?
My father seized the phone before I could speak, his voice filling my ear with irritation.
“Jeremy, don’t be selfish. You have money, a house, and a wife.
What is the big deal? It is your responsibility to take care of your family. Ted is your brother. “He’s staying.”
I nearly lost my sanity. I nearly succumbed to my rage. But then I remembered that it simply wasn’t my style. Ted may have felt he’d won this time, but I had a plan.
“It’s not about the space, Dad,” I corrected him. “It is about respect. Ted cannot reside here without my approval. Nina and I have worked hard for our house. What’s even worse? My wife also has to cope with this.”
Ted snorted while sitting on the couch.
Oh, come on. Don’t act arrogantly. “It’s just a house,” he explained.
“But you’ve been freeloading on Mom and Dad for years. Why should I believe you’d do anything differently here? Why can’t you remain with one of your children and their mother?
I assumed it was the card that would have annoyed him. But he didn’t flinch.
“Because I am family, that’s why. Why are you continually acting as if I’m a stranger? It is my right to stay here. Mom and Dad mentioned you’d be like this, but I didn’t expect you to be so nasty.”
I was through.
“Fine, Ted,” I responded. “Do you want to stay?” Sure. Let’s see how that turns out.
I didn’t mind treating my brother badly; after all, someone needed to discipline him. However, Nina was really irritated when I went upstairs to explain everything that had transpired over the phone.
I sat down on the bed opposite from her, and she remarked, “Jer, you can’t be serious.”
“I’ll make it right. I swear to you, Nina. I will correct this. But first, I’m going to discipline him.
“Well, I’d rather not be present for it. You have a week. She threatened to leave until he left.
“What does that mean to you?” I asked.
“Jeremy, I’m heading to my sister’s place. She packed a suitcase as she remarked, “I can’t stand your brother, and I won’t stay here while he’s here.”
I assured her, “My love, I’ll put this right.”
Without ever raising my voice, I turned Ted’s life into a waking nightmare for the next week. Nina’s departure also gave me more motivation to get him out.
My initial action was to turn off the Wi-Fi. Ted, who usually stayed glued to his phone or binge-watched TV series, was totally disoriented.
I merely grinned while he grumbled.
“The internet, huh? Yes, it has been erratic.
I then turned off the hot water.
Ted enjoyed taking long, leisurely showers, but now he had to face freezing water each morning.
Shower water streaming | Source: Midjourney
When he complained about it, I would naively respond, “There must be a plumbing issue.”
There was the food after that.
I only kept vegetables, tofu, and the healthiest things I could find in the refrigerator. Ted detested anything not fried or oily. And now he moaned as if I were starving him every time he opened the refrigerator.
“I take it you’re family?” I would say. “You can handle a little inconvenience, I’m sure. You’ll be alright, though, because it’s for my health.
To top it all off, I began blaring music at 6 a.m. every day during my treadmill session in the gym area. I reasoned if Ted wasn’t going to help out around the house, he could at least get up earlier.
He despised it all, of course. And by day five, he appeared to be on the point of losing his mind.
“Jeremy, man, this is BS,” Ted exclaimed one morning, his voice thick with fury. “I cannot stay here. How do you live like this? No Wi-Fi, no hot water, and no food that I prefer. “This is torture.”
I lifted an eyebrow.
“I figured you’d be grateful to stay, Ted. It is not as if you are paying rent or contributing anything. “What is the problem?”
He mumbled something beneath his breath, visibly agitated.
“Forget it, I’m going back to Mom and Dad’s.”
As he rushed out, pulling his belongings with him, I couldn’t resist smiling.
But I hadn’t finished yet. I thoroughly cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, and prepared a delicious meal for Nina. I had previously called her during the day and informed her that Ted had left.
“Come home, honey,” I called.
“I’ll see you later,” she added, smiling.
While I waited for Nina to shower, I realised there was one more thing to do.
“Mom, dad,” I said over the phone. “Ted’s left my house. And he won’t be returning. “He’s your problem again.”
My mum was outraged.
“Jeremy, you cannot just toss him out! “Where will he go?”
“It’s up to Ted, Mom. He’s 42. If you want to continue coddling him, go ahead. But I’m through.”
After that, I heard Ted had returned to my parents’ house, but they insisted that he convert the garage into his own area. They compelled him to take a job.
Ted was unhappy, of course, so they blamed everything on me. But I was fine with it. Nina and I got our house back, and we were content.
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